im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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