we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
