I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
