I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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