we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
