How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
