Got a toothbrush?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
operation have a gay friend backfired
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
