OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
