Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We have so much sex to catch up on
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
