sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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