Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
