its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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