He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
