She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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