It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
