Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
