chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
