Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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