i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
