You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
