i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
