Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She swung at the pinata with crutches
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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