He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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