I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
