new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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