I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
