i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
