I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
