Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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