Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
