how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
