my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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