i just google imaged poop.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
