i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
