YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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