My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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