Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
