I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
