if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
