if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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