The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
