either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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