thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
