dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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