she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
