i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
