Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Welp...herpes.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize