I just cut my nipple shaving
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
