great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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