GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
