Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
