Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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