I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
