i was rollin on her like bob the builder
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
