her vagine was all disorganized.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
