I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
