That's intense
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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