it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Text me some of your sweat
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