This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
