my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
