Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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