Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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