woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
