i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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