I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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