I think i sorta joined a cult last night
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
