The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
