She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
