I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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