I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we made out on top of his cat.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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