I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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